Friday, June 18, 2010


I started writing when I was about 12 about my life in my Garfield journal. I saw some excerpts from it when we were unpacking from our move a few years ago. It was mainly what I had for dinner. That my sister was a brat and that I had so much fun that day playing with this kid or that one. It wasn't very deep at all. It wasn't what I remembered it must have been like for me at that age. For gods sake, I had lived all that and now get to read, "I had steak for dinner....I love drinking the juice. It's so good!" Or we played C.H.I.P.'s on our bikes or we ran away from my sister calling her "Smelly Kelly".
I guess in that regard I was your average 12 year old kid that wasn't thinking to herself about getting really into expressing myself in a journal about anything more than what I did that day other than that things were good in my life. I suppose that is a tribute to who I really was at that age. Someone who saw what was good in life. Not the crappy things that happened. I'm actually (for the first time) understanding that I must have been writing authentically. That was what made me feel good. Those were the things in life that made me happy.
Writing had always been an outlet for me though and as I grew older I relied on it more. I knew I always had that to count on. It also made me feel that I was leaving a "footprint" on my journey though life (even if I was the only one reading what I wrote). It was also something that I could do to keep myself feeling grounded (even when I didn't know that's what it was doing for me).
Writing has been a part of my existence through my life. I have created short stories of beginnings with no endings. Written about my own experiences on certain things that I felt passionate about and ones that I NEEDED to get off my chest. I've stayed up late nights writing and writing. Like I am doing right now. There have been instances in my life that were painful to write about. Also, about times that have brought me more joy than I ever could have imagined would have been possible to have experienced in life.
I felt faith and hope while writing. I've gained knowledge in figuring out who I am and what made me become who I am. Why I think what I think and also where it all stemmed from. It was always important to me to try to "figure it all out".
It's not as important to me as it used to be.....maybe I've figured it all out. Well, I do know that's ridiculous. I know I will never have it all figured out. But to be satisfied in life is truly a great place to be in.
Knowing that I may share this blog means that I have opened myself to the public. Not too sure on how I feel about that. I've always been a very private person. But, like all experiences, you never really know how it feels until you give it a shot. I do go on facebook and share thoughts and opinions but this blogging thing is as easy as writing in a private journal but then I post this and it goes out to the public. This is a bit different.
One of the things that made me go ahead and make this blog public was that my youngest daughter has expressed that she would like to start a blog. I believe hers will be about life through a 10 year olds eyes (since she is only 10).
She doesn't have a facebook page or even an email address. But she loves to write and express herself. All my girls do. They always have written and I have always taken great pride in that they must have gotten the writing bug from me. I know how it feels to have it all in your mind and it to flow from your being to the ends of your finger tips. It's a relief to write and a real satisfaction when I like what I've written.
I've toyed with the fantasy through my life that I might write a book. I have enough stuff to put in one that even a reality show would love to get their hands on! But, boy is that tough to do. When I finish a handful of pages I am exhausted. Emotionally drained. I get frustrated with myself that I can't continue and sometimes it takes me a very long time to get back into it.
Maybe I'm not meant to do exactly that or maybe it's not supposed to be about what I think it should be. Maybe I think way too much! Haha!! No way!
I recently heard a celebrity being asked in an interview if she'll be doing a memoir about her life. She replied "why the hell would I want to relive all of that?"
Maybe I'll just blog.