Once upon a time (I just have to start it with a fairy tale beginning), there was a boy with flaming red hair and his hair matched his soul. He had the spirit that exuberated happiness with just about everyone he came in contact with. He would sing show tunes on cue and would perform dramatic clips of his favorite TV series on a whim. I grew up with this boy. I didn’t realize until later in life how much of a gift it was for me to have had him as part of my childhood.
There was this level of unconditional love and happiness that came from him and was evident in most everything that he did. Not to say that he wasn’t ever the typical kid. He hated having to stop playing to go take a shower and he hated having to clean his bedroom or weed the garden. He was the typical kid in those respects. He’d roll his eyes when his mother would call from the next block “John Henry, come home and take a shower!” He’d quickly say to me at that moment, “don’t forget, tonight at 8:00, meet me by the tree and we’ll run away!” The plan was that I would climb out my second story window, onto the tree that was near it, climb down and meet him. There was almost always some drama and a level of excitement that was present. Of course, we never did meet at the tree at 8:00 but we’d plan it again and again.
So this young boy, John Henry, would get me to do things that were above and beyond any games that I played with my other friends, boys or girls. This is a boy that would say “Oh my gawd! I have an idea! Let’s put on your mother’s bras on and my mother’s wigs!” At the tender age of about 9 we’d be putting on my mother’s “Double D” sized bras (which we thought were hysterical and couldn’t believe anyone’s boobs were that big) and wear his mother’s wigs. We’d strut our stuff around the neighborhood like it was no ones business! (I can’t believe we didn’t get in trouble for that….I wonder if they ever knew.)
Saying that John Henry was a creative and unique person to have had in my life, is an understatement. From the first day that I met him at the age of 5, I can still remember that I wasn’t sure what to make of him….I was almost afraid of him. I was this shy and quiet little girl. He was this excited boy with bright red hair that seemed to be larger than life. I think I was shocked!
I can still see him jumping up and down, his large feet, gangly arms, freckled face and fire engine red hair. John Henry had me awestruck. But, we very quickly became friends and it seems that there isn’t a day in my childhood that went by that didn’t include him in it. We were like siblings. We’d have sleepovers at his house and we’d stay up late talking and giggling. Also, making concoctions in his mother’s kitchen with ice cream, milk, juice, whatever we could get our hands on. One of those made me so sick one night that I woke up throwing up all over his head. In later years, at one of his fabulous parties you could see him running through his NYC apartment with me in his arms cutting people and opening the bathroom door after having drank too much champagne. Some things never change I guess.
Through the years this boy was my doorway to happiness in life. But, I didn’t know it until I was older. I couldn’t possibly appreciate the gift that he was back then. While my little sister and I were dodging our parents that were trying to somehow keep it all together, John Henry was thinking up ways to get to meet Gill Girard and how we would move to Hollywood, California. His mother would give us 10 cents to weed her garden (big money back then) and John Henry would tell me that I should have him hold onto it for our trip to California. Of course, I did so.
This is a kid that loved doing my hair, had dreams of being a star and made my life interesting and fun.
He taught me how to use a curling iron. He was excited for me when I got my first bra and when I finally got my period he was the first to know. He shared in the excitement when I had my first boyfriend and gave me a condom to use just incase we had sex.
Back then, I didn’t really think of him as my best friend….we were more like siblings and we knew that we’d always be there for one another. I wish I was there for him more than I was back then. He really needed me more than I thought. Little did I know how bad the bullying really was for him until he was an adult and he shared with me how awful it had been.
Through those childhood years, John Henry didn’t have it easy but he always beamed with happiness. I knew that he was different than anyone else that I had known. But he was berated by some peers for being different. I wonder now how those people feel about how they treated him. Because John Henry was a little boy that would look for a specific song in a table juke box in a NJ diner and then once he found it he would be so excited and ready to put on a show that he would stand up in the booth we were seated in and belt out the words to Xanadu, with Olivia Newton John singing in the background. He was on stage for the first time, in his diner booth to his fans, the people eating lunch in this diner. He’d received a round of applause for that too and he took his bows. John Henry was the only boy I knew that would do such a thing. I remember thinking at the time how I could never have done anything like that. To this day I still sing Xanadu and it makes me smile.
But, even then I didn’t think to myself that he was gay. Which makes me laugh, because being gay is what I loved about him. Only I didn’t know that’s what it was. He was who he was because he was gay. And those things about him I cherished.
It wasn’t talked about in my home though and I didn’t know that “gay” existed until I was probably about 12. I new that he wasn’t like other boys and I knew that he got along better with girls than anyone else. He liked the same things that most girls liked only up a couple of notches. He didn’t play with the boys much and when he did he was just going through the motions, he didn’t really enjoy himself. His heart wasn’t in it like when we played with all the girls in the neighborhood. I didn’t question this though. I didn’t care. We had fun.
But, he was getting bullied every day. We grew up in a blue collar town with 82 square miles of lakes & woods. Being gay was not an option in that town when we were kids. It wasn’t accepted. There were many kids in elementary school that were friendly toward him, but there were others that made fun of him and even beat him up every day after we got off the bus. They would call him a “fairy” and other names. His mother made him take Karate classes which he didn’t like taking. He suffered greatly though the years and it wasn’t until years later that I found out when we were in High School that the bullying had continued. He told me that in High School the bullying was so bad that he had attempted to take his own life.
I was shocked. I felt I had let him down. I told him that I was sorry that I wasn’t there for him. That he didn’t feel he could come to me. He was in that much pain to want to take his own life because of these idiots that had nothing better to do than to make a person feel horrible about himself. And it wasn’t just guys that were bullying him. There was one female in particular that played her part in pushing him over the edge. I was surprised to learn of this from him. I wonder if those people are sorry that they treated him this way. I wonder if they are better people today that teach their kids tolerance or if they are the type that continues the cycle of bullying with their kids. I really wish that I was there for him more than I was.
I hear about these kids and young adults getting bullied still in today’s society. It saddens me and makes me wonder when this will change. I believe that it all starts with how we raise our children. My daughters know that I will love them no matter who they are in life. They will always have my support. They also know that there are many different types of people in the world. There are different cultures, religious views, races and sexual orientations. The more we talk about these differences we have with most everyone in the world, the more open minded they become. My daughters ask me questions and I answer them honestly.
Peace begins with how we choose to live our lives.
